it's okay to not be okay--

I've noticed the times in my life when I don't blog or write in my journal as often are moments when I need to the most. They are often moments when I am going through trials or doubts. I don't write about them because I feel like that makes them real. And sometimes I pretend they aren't or try and convince myself that I can just get through these things by myself. I keep things bottled up because I don't want to be a burden to other people. I don't want people to know I am weak. I don't want people to feel pitty towards me. Sometimes I am embarrassed by my trials and hate admitting them out loud because I am a rock for so many people around me and I don't want people to know I'm struggling.  A lot of my problems I just deal with on my own because I know I will get over it. I know it is a time for growth and it is just something God needs me to experience. I get nervous expressing pain and things that hurt me because I don't think people will understand or care as much as I do. I am deep as they come...and more sensitive and compassionate than i'd wish and sometimes it's hard for someone to react in a way I'd want them to or say the things I need... But some of these things eat me alive and it is hard to do on my own. And I know I need to learn to not be so stubborn or prideful...I need to learn that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to not be okay sometimes. It's okay to go through hard things and not be okay with them. It's okay to not be perfect and to not immediately accept the trial that is upon you. It's okay to be sad as long as you pick a day that you will pick yourself back up and move on. I'm good at pretending that things are fine. I'm good at putting my problems aside to help others with theirs. I'm good at keeping them deep in my mind. Keeping my worries, my fears, my heartaches locked inside. But lately I've realized that that is not reality. And I don't want to do that anymore. So here's to being real because that's one of my better qualities.
ps-- I'm good and coming out of this "life slump" that has been here for a while now. Self-reflection is so necessary & I've got things figured out. For now. Blog posts about confidence, becoming an adult, relationships, healthy body//healthy mind, religion, deciding who I want to be, enjoying the moments, and Harry Styles coming up.

xoxo
Bailey