anit-joke apple

So maybe things like this make me laugh really really hard and a lot of times I am the only one laughing over them...


A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.

I thought I was drowning in soda, but it was only a fanta sea.

What did one Japanese man say to the other? Something in Japanese.

Wanna hear a joke about Potassium? K.

What did Grandma give little Ben for Christmas? Nothing. She died on Thanksgiving day.

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense

What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

Why did I get a job at the bakery? Because I kneaded the dough.

What do snowmen eat for lunch? Snowmen don't eat. They're inanimate balls of solid precipitation with carrots for noses.

Slut jokes are so whoreable.

What did 6 say to 7? Nothing. Numbers are abstract concepts and therefore they cannot speak or converse in any sort of language.

Why cant Michael Jackson jump rope? Because he's dead.

Did Snoop Dogg really change his name? Or is Snoop Lion.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Still a deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the animal's species.

I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something.

What happens when you throw a penny between two Jewish men? Probably nothing, but they might pick it up and ask if you have dropped a penny.

Girls on their period always ovary act.

If there are 3 apples, and Johnny takes away 3 of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None because Johnny got hit by a bus.

via anit-joke apple on twitter.