a letter to me.

if i knew then what i know now.

dear bailey,

april 3, 2004 you will receive news that will forever change and temporarily ruin your life. you will be moving away from everything that you know. late summer nights spent throughout the neighborhood, running barefoot from house to house playing with whoever you saw next, the canal you used to sneak off to, your neighbors who were more like family, and hundreds and thousands of memories. your heart will break and your fears will take over. try your hardest to just accept it. accept the things you can't change. you end up holding onto that grudge for 4 long years and truly? it isn't worth it.

grade 6 will be just another year. not too many great things come out of it..in fact, it is really just a year to pass the time. and that girl? the one you think is your best friend? just be careful. really really careful. all the things that you really think matter won't by next year. promise. oh and take note of that nice girl who sits by you at churche's older brother...5 years later? you will be writing him on his mission.

grade 7 you will move to another town. and although it may seem like it is the worst thing of your life, it's not. in fact, it is a blessing you moved there... you will see. oh and the first time you attend church in that town take note of the girl sitting across from you. the one with lots of clips in her hair wearing a velvet dress? her name is whitney. she will be your best friend and you will love her so very much. and that dark haired, short, loud girl you meet at girls camp? the one you predicted you would be great friends with? that is becca and you are correct. she will be like a sister to you. whenever you need a laugh and a reality check please please go and see her. that next school year will be a good one for you. so many things will happen and change that everything will just be crazy, but luckily for you it will mostly be positive. have a fun time falling head over heels for all of those older guys. boy#1 you will have a fling with in high school. boy#2 will become one of your best friends. boy#3? the one you daydreams about for a year? well don't give up because he will dance with you at a stake dance...i dont know why that was one of your biggest aspirations..but it'll happen.

grade 8. this will be the worst year of your existence. im sorry that you have to go through all of these upcoming things...but just hold on.  all the drama and fears isnt worth it. all the hardcomings are things that you need to go through...even though it seems unbearable at times. but they will help you grow as a person and you will get through it. stay close to your heavenly father. he is what helps to get you through everything. also, love david archuleta as much as you want. you know how it is your dream to go to a concert and meet him? well guess what? both will happen.

grade 9. high school. it's a new world here. and it can get pretty ridiculous. this is another slightly rough year. just focus on cheerleading and grades. seriously. cheerleading will become one of the greatest things in your life and you will love it and live it. i know that you are so worried about staying best friends with your friends but in all honesty? that will only bring you heart ache and tears. lots of them. maybe go hang out with other people instead of trying to keep things the same...but knowing you..me..us? we both know you wont do that. so be prepared because you will feel alone many times...but eventually they will find out who they are and things will turn around.

grade 10. this is the changing point of your existence. in september on that one day? maybe don't go to cheer practise. a cheer stunt goes wrong and you end up dislocating your shoulder and it ruins your life.. have to sit out until March....or maybe do go because at least someone caught the flyer... it will be devastating and there is not much i can say to you except to just accept it and continue to show up at every single practise and game to support your friends. and that boy. the one that will soon be your boyfriend...he will teach you a lot of things about life. not him necessarily...but being with him you will begin to change yourself. for the better. you finally become a teenage rather than a 32 year old woman trapped in a 15 year olds body. but be careful and try not to get so attached because that heartbreak will hurt and will seem like the end of the world...but you end up getting over it...and it opens sooo many doors for you. from that day on life will be incredible and amazing and full of adventure. that summer will rock your world and you will make so many great friends and do so many fun things. just live it up.

grade 11 comes around and your ready to take on another school year. you feel like you finally have life figured out..and in some moments you kinda do, but in reality you never will. but whatever. love nicole love becca love whitney and love harry potter. mr d? he will be your favorite teacher and some of your greatest school me moments will happen within the walls of that classroom. just be happy and do crazy things. remember to squat in the hallways, make unnecessary noises, play the guitar while going to the bathroom, and to tape whitney to that pole.just a heads up- pre cal will murder your life but you will still end the year with a 4.0 despite your heightened carelessness. it was quite shocking. oh yeh... that boy...not worth your time effort energy or anything really. but do you wanna know who is? i know that you already know. so all i will say is-take that chance. you will be scared as heck, but it is happy...that's all i can say about it. eventually you will discover one direction and your life will appear to be complete. you will fangirl and freak out and scream and stalk them and obsess over them and people may or may not get annoyed by it...but dont hold back..oh yeh, you don't. and to let you in on a little secret? you will end up getting tickets to 2 of their concerts and backstage passes to go and meet them...i know you can't really process that right now, but it's a hard thing to wrap your mind around. also, have the courage to enter your poem into that contest..you won't regret it.

and about the rest of your life? well, it is currently still being written.