solitude.

I hate the thought of forgetting or being forgotten.
I like words, feelings, emotions, people, and moments too much to let them go to waste.
I've kept a journal since I was 8 years old and have an entire trunk full of them.
They have always just been an important part of my life.
I'm super grateful for this 'addiction' in the fact that I feel like I will never forget who I was.
I won't forget the girl who cried the day her Hogwarts letter didn't come.
I won't forget the girl who would stay up for hours at night trying to decide if she should be a cosmetologist or not-at the age of 9.
I won't forget the girl who idolized Hannah Montana and practically thought she was her.
I won't forget the girl who was madly in love with David Archuleta and made a promise to herself that she would meet him one day, and did.
I won't forget the girl who struggled and cried every night wishing that everything wasn't as bad as it seemed, even though it was.
I won't forget the girl who struggled with anxiety, sometimes to the point of extremes.
I won't forget the girl who learned that relying on her Heavenly Father was the best way to get her through hard times.
I won't forget the girl who worried too much about other people.
I won't forget the girl who finally decided to be her own person.
I won't forget the girl who was so giddy when she got her first kiss.
I won't forget the girl who always dreamed of being the person she knew she was supposed to be.
I won't forget the girl who let it all go and walked away.
I won't forget the girl who finally became a teenager instead of a 30 year old stuck in a teenagers body.
I won't forget the girl who learned that I was okay to not be perfect.
I won't forget the girl who went skinny dipping, rock climbing, cliff jumping.
I won't forget the girl who allowed herself to feel like a princess at prom.
I won't forget the girl who realized that life was about living and learning, forgiving and forgetting.
I won't forget the girl who thought that there wasn't hope for her living out her dreams due to constant injuries.
I won't forget the girl who gave him a chance and never regretted it.
I won't forget the girl who learned to love everyone for who they were and for what they were.
Because she was me.
And I get to look back and see how far I've come in this life.
I get to realize things, remember them, and put them together.
I get to know, grow, and understand.
Maybe these journals will never get read by anyone else, but I am so grateful that I've kept them.
That there will always be pieces of me that are solid and final.

xoxo
Bailey